HOLY SHIT I LEAVE FOR CHINA IN A WEEK. This is my second attempt at writing a blog. The first was composed and structured and frankly looked and sounded a lot like my college entrance essays, meaning that it was completely insufferable. I keep trying to come out with some grand motivation for this experience that I can embrace in a composed way, accepting each new challenge with grace, but that is just way too much work. I leave for the other side of the world in a week and I am so many things, but poised is not one of them. Anxious, whiny, and occasionally useful yes, but not poised. SO this is what I will be writing about, the un-instagram-filtered experiences that I will meet and my struggles to keep up. Some things I encounter will be amazing, and some things will just be kind of awful but here they are.
Because I apparently have dial up processing speeds when it comes to emotions it basically just hit me how much it sucks that I really won’t get to see all of the people I care about for eight months. And I know that this is my choice and I’m doing it for the sake of a life changing experience—I should be glad I have valuable enough relationships to miss in the first place—blah blah the world is a book and I have read but a page blah and whatever other cliches that people put on plaques that have atlas patterns on them. But right know this is really difficult.
And really? DO ALL of my friends and family have to be so amazing and kind right before I leave? Like, couldn’t you just be a little bit more of jerks for my sake? Like you all are making this really difficult for me since I don’t have any righteous indignation to mine while going. Dammnit guys, I know saying goodbyes aren’t supposed to be fun but this is downright painful. And I’m sorry— we all know it, even though we don’t want to say, but Skype is the worst. Every call I make with them we spend 80% of it trying to diagnose the error while one person mimes their story since the audio has disconnected.
I have no concluding sentiment here other than right now it is 3AM and approximately none of the travel guides I’ve read warned me about this. And I do know that for all of the people I’ll miss: the ones from home, the ones from school, there are a lot of people I care about, which is pretty cool I guess.
TLDR; I’m sure as hell not put together, there’s really no use in trying to pretend to be.
And why didn’t anyone tell me that leaving every since person I know and love for a year to go live in the exact opposite end of the world would be hard??